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As a British Expat, I have been living abroad for 29 years this month. It has gone by in the blink of an eye, and I still consider myself British first and foremost. I have retained my citizenship and sacrificed my right to vote. My English accent is now a hybrid and a constant source of conversation with strangers. (“You don’t sound like you’re from around here? You must be Australian.”) Whenever I visit home, I reacclimatize and adjust to new habits, words, and trends. Just what is “tat” anyway? I confess, the roads now terrify me and I have yet to drive there since I left, all those years ago.
There are different concerns now as my parents age. Getting to see them regularly is more important, and getting back onto the plane gets harder. Yes, I’m a long term Expat, but there are still struggles.
Over the years, as a broke single mum and then a relocated wife, there have been many barriers to traveling back to England. How can I afford it? I can’t afford to take all three kids, who will look after the others? How can I get the time off? I can’t even afford to renew my passport! My husband can’t come, am I being selfish? Just when I thought I had seen it all, along came a barrier that never ever crossed my mind. COVID has got a lot to answer for.
So how does one expatriate in a world wide pandemic?
It’s so ironic now that 2020 was going to be the best year of my life! I stopped working (thanks hubby) to take time for all of my meaningful trips to Europe. My family was going to be sick of the sight of me. I would see my daughter be awarded her Ph.D. in the Netherlands. I would show my stepdaughter London! It was going to be a whirlwind of everything I love! While I am so grateful that I made it to England to see my family in January, and got back two weeks before all the trouble began, all other plans, of course, disintegrated.
The hardest thing by far is psychological. The “what if” game haunts me. Having parents, brothers, nieces and a daughter across the Atlantic is a lot of worry in the best of times. My past worries were: Could I get back there tomorrow if I needed to? How fast could I make arrangements? Those worries are trivial now! Today my concerns are so different. Could I even find a flight to England? Who could I quarantine with? How would I get to the Netherlands? We are banned from there! They are banned from here!! Not in my worst nightmare did I ever think this would be a reality. So my phone calls are more frequent, emails almost daily, as I keep in touch with the situation and stay prepared mentally. I stay anchored to Instagram and Whatsapp. I monitor COVID levels in England and the Netherlands looking for some peace of mind. I panic when my daughter sounds like she has a cold. I ask questions that normally would be ludicrous (Are you sure you need to go out for a newspaper?).
There is no easy way to manage this. I survive on adrenaline because everything has to be ok. There cannot be an emergency. In the meantime, there will be a vaccine very soon and next year will be so different for all of us because it has to be. I try to stay below panic mode. I focus on mundane things. One day at a time. Part of me has needed to let go, just temporarily, because holding on is too hard. I have put my faith in other things now as there is no control. That empty, terrifying feeling where you hand over the keys to your teenager for the first time and watch her drive off is such a metaphor; I have handed the keys over to God, Fate, Luck, and blind trust as they are all behind the wheel.
As I contemplate needing to get to England in an emergency, my huge concern is that I could bring the virus with me. At some point, COVID or not, I will need to see my parents without inflicting any harm on them. They are uncomfortable around people and even their grandchildren. Should I need to quarantine, it would be at my own expense in a local hotel until they were satisfied there was no threat to their health.
If there is a silver lining, it’s this: That I will never take the freedom to fly to Europe, or anywhere, for granted again. Travel is now a privilege. This can happen again. I will never put off another visit because I haven’t got the time. That option might be taken from me. When I finally am able to hug my family members again, it will be incredible. Facetiming is a fantastic option, but not a substitute.
The pandemic has changed everything. To my fellow Expats and those of you with loved ones abroad: You are not alone in this, and it won’t last forever! Stay positive and look forward to the moments yet to come. Above all stay healthy and the world once more will be your oyster!
