Posted by Yesterday was a bad day. America had nothing good to say, as the death toll rose and needless violence dominated the media. I had so much on my mind and felt incredibly sad and numb. While I have a lot to be grateful for, I still battle my own demons and have let anxiety get the best of me more days than not during this pandemic.
A newer thing for me is how much I dislike driving now. Since it rarely happens, I feel very out of place and uneasy behind the wheel. I long to drive off on a day trip, but even going across town feels strange. I feel like I’ve become my mother when I ask my husband to drive me to places. This is me, the woman who drove from New Mexico to Wisconsin with just the kids and a map!!! Even going to my local shops makes me uncomfortable. Staying put for months on end has impacted all of us in many ways, but right now I feel like a recluse and it’s not a good feeling.
So what is a sad girl to do on a beautiful day with nowhere to go? One of the reasons we bought this house was for the huge “party” deck. We have four tables spread around with different seating options, according to where the sun is shining. After I had fussed over all of my plants and pulled the day’s thistles out of the ground, I sank into my shaded outdoor recliner. I don’t know how this lockdown would have been without the outdoor space. Even in the frigid midwest, being able to sit outside has been a soul-saver. I truly feel for those who are coping with a lockdown from an apartment.
As I reclined into horizontal position I stared at the cloudless blue sky, marked only by three tangled streams of jet vapor high in the sky. Chicago to L.A. I guessed. It made me smile. We are slowly flying again, and freedom is coming. My own airport has been still. Not many people would consider living near a provincial airport a selling point, but I have always loved it. Hearing the jets roar off into the sky thrills me as I’m reminded of the many places left to see. While it has been eerily quiet, it too is gradually coming back to life.
So what else, on this beautiful, sad day? As I recline, I hear insane chirping coming from my apple tree. It’s loud and relentless and continues for several hours. A majestic red cardinal flies in and out of the tree. His mate takes over. Together they tag-team until finally, the chirping stops. As the male perches on our raised bed and surveys his territory, something else catches my eye. To the right, a large grey rabbit munches hungrily on the over-grown grass. The two of them momentarily coexist in perfect peace and it’s heartwarming.
Gazing back into the sky, I see a hawk and a large, black bird dualing over sky-space. The hawk attempts to fly on as the other swoops around and under him, agitating him to be gone.
A buzzing around my head startles me. A furry bumblebee hovers then flies away. This is the third I have seen today and it’s a fantastic sight. My yard is full of fledgling sunflowers and I cannot wait to host more of our little friends as they work to maintain our food supply.
The tweeting picks up and this time more birds whose species I cannot identify, are singing their songs. The trees are five shades of green and I marvel at how they survive the harshest of winters to bloom again and provide cover for our winged friends.
The sun is fierce as I water my plants and retreat into the air conditioning. The Cardinal couple tirelessly works on in the heat and the bunny nervously tackles new ground. I am safe, but every day is a challenge for them. I am reminded of the resilience and beauty of nature. It’s been a privilege to spend the afternoon on my deck watching their world. They are oblivious to our worries as they fight to take care of their babies and their lives. It didn’t take away the pandemic or my problems, but it soothed my soul and recharged the desire to carry on, just as they do.
